Talk To Mello
by Call me Mello
Summary: Yeah, ask me anything you want.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, my name is Mello. I have noticed, using my extremely acute skills of observation, that a few fan fics have been cropping up inviting readers to 'ask L' and such. So I have decided to follow suit. I'm not jumping on the band wagon, but merely using my initiative to create such a fic before Near tries it...

So... go ahead, ask me anything. Click on the little review button and fire away.


	2. Chapter 2

**From LollyLilyRose**

**Hello Mello! Heh that rhymed. Anyway. Question time...Uh. Let's see I've  
always wanted to ask you something. Hmm... ... Um...Oh yeah! What is it with  
you and that weird leather fetish of yours? Not saying that you have a BAD  
choice in clothes , but your possibly the only GUY in deathnote who wears  
leather. P.S. Tell Matt I said hi xD**

To LollyLilyRose

Well, that's easy enough. Can you imagine being a respected member of the mafia and wearing say... baggy white pyjamas? It would not be a smart idea. Leather makes me look tough, especially useful when I was the youngest there. Plus I like the style; black looks good on me.  
P.S. I don't think he can hear me. He's plugged into a glowing bleeping box...

**From The Lantern**

**1. In your opinion are fangirls better than the mafia?  
2. Do you think you'd get along with Krad from DN Angel, and Lestat from the  
interview with a vampire series?  
3. Any nicknames you'd prefer to be called?  
4. Dirt you've got on Near?  
5. Opinion on yaoi (not nessecarily containing you)  
6. Favorite game, book, anime ect.?  
7. A commanly used threat from you.  
8. Favorite type of chocolate.  
9. Give Matt a kiss for me...  
10. Can I glomp you & have a lock of your hair (it'll sell for alot on  
ebay...)...wait cut out the hair thing it'd give Kira dirt on you.**

To The Lantern

1. If I thought that fangirls were better than the mafia, I would have spent that two years of my life doing a Misa Amane impression as I chased down 'kawaii' males... so no. I do not have a good squealing voice.  
2. ... why, do you ask that? I hope you aren't insinuating that I am similar to Krad... and I don't think that we would get on well at all. And from anime to Anne Rice? I think I'd get on with Lestat to a degree, but the age difference would makie things a little difficult.  
3. Apart from Mello? 'L' would be nice.  
4. Oh, where do I start? One time I heard him having a conversation with his teddy bear about an episode of Friends...  
5. Yaoi is fine in moderation, but some of these pairings I read about are ridiculous. Can I point out at this moment that these Mello/Near fics are never going to happen? I mean... yuk...  
6. My favourite game? I don't really play games, so I guess one of the Final Fantasy series since the graphics are fantastic. My favourite book is Brighton Rock by Graham Greene, and my favourite anime is probably Vampire Knight.  
7. Heh, I use a fair amount of those. Probably "-fill in the blank- or I'll shoot you." A freshly loaded gun is the best threat I find.  
8. Hard one... maybe Lindt or Leonidas... I like Godiva chocolates on special occasions but I prefer bars.  
9. That isn't a question! I'm beginning to suspect you are a fangirl...  
10. Uh... fine...

**From Kit-Kat Punk-Lover**

**Omg I fickin' love you! Can I have a hug! You get chocolate (hands you  
chocolate)  
o.k. here are my questions!  
1. You and matt are obviously together right?!  
2. You do realize near likes you right? Why can't you two be friends?  
3. Why didn't you make Takada take off everything! She hid a peice of the  
notebook!  
4. Did you know that Matt was gonna die? Do you feel guilty?  
5. What do you think of Beyond Birthday? I Love him!  
Bye now you rock my socks!**

To Kit-Kat Punk-Lover

A hug for chocolate... seems a fair deal.  
1. Obviously? I wouldn't say so. Do you have proof?  
2. Near is a twit. End of. He may like me, but he's too busy stuck up his own... well. Let's just say that we would never be friends.  
3. A fatal mistake. I did get her to take off everything, but I guess I wasn't watching her closely enough and I didn't imagine she had a piece of the notebook in her underwear. Damn.  
4. I never imagined he would die, and I did feel guilty. I was much more prepared for my own death than his.  
5. I have respect for Beyond Birthday, and I at least feel sympathy for him. I can understand him to an extent, despite his insanity.

**From puddingcup**

**lol  
Hey, Mello... when did you start using such weird words? Are you supposed to  
have a sailor's mouth?  
hm... I hope that comes soon... it makes me laugh cuz you're funny!  
anyway... questions...  
1) Have you ever seen the episode of Spongebob where they sell Chocolate? you  
remind me of the guy who screams "CHOCOLATE" over and over again! :D  
2) How'd you feel about narrating Death Note: Another Note: The Los Angeles  
BB Murder Cases? I was reading that today and I really liked it. Kudos to  
you, my gangster friend.  
3) Hershey's or Russell Stover? Feel free to name any other brands besides  
those two  
4) Milk, Dark, or White Chocolate?  
5) Oh, and how would you feel if Near did start an "ask Near" or whatever it  
will be called? hmm... i may just have to suggest that.. :D**

To puddingcup

1. Yeah, but I dont have to do that. I can get my own chocolate instead of having to buy some off Spongebob. And... I only watched that episode because Matt made me. He's the one who likes Spongebob, not me.  
2. Well, somebody had to tell the story and since L couldn't, I wanted to note it down. I hope I did the story justice.  
3. Hershey's are usually easier to get hold of, but Russell Stover are pretty nice.  
4. Usually milk, although I do like decent dark chocolate. White chocolate isn't that great to be honest; it isn't even proper chocolate.  
5. It seems he already has done... I can only hope people are more interested in what I have to say.

**From Kenzaki**

**Hello there! So, Mello, hum...I have a question for you...You have said in  
the Los Angeles BB murder case novel that you were lucky cause you have once  
met L...is that true? cause i had red somewhere (i don't rememeber where  
exacly) something about you and Near seeing L's letter, but not really talking  
to him, and that's the only time you had a contact with him...  
i'm just curious. sorry I don't really belive you're mello anyway,  
but...it'll be interesting  
so...sorry if my question isn't clear, i'm french, i'm not really good in  
english...anyway...nevermind  
thanks a lot, mello-kun!**

To Kenzaki

If I am correct, the person who said that we had never met L was in fact Near speaking about the time when L spoke to the children of Wammy's House through his laptop. I myself have met L in person as I said in the novel, and I dearly hope that I have had more contact with him than Near.


	3. Chapter 3

**From Hoiki**

**Well, Mello!  
I'm glad you decided to answer questions!  
1) What kind of music do you listen to if any at all?  
2) Details on your whole religion thing? That rosary has to mean SOMETHING.  
3) Do you have friend's other than Matt?  
4) Ouch... burn marks. Just want to say I still think you look good.  
5) You said in LA BB that L actually told you three stories. One was of B, so  
what were the other two?**

To Hoiki

1. I don't really listen to a particular genre of music. I like rock and some metal bands. At the moment I'm listening to an album by Korn, but I also like European bands such as Die Toten Hosen... and old-school rock/punk like The Clash and The Sex Pistols.  
2. I'm not a Catholic as such. We have to make our own way in the world without relying on some omnipotent being to drag us out of the ditch. I guess it's nice to believe in God sometimes, but I can't make up my mind. Doing my rosary helps me concentrate when I need to calm down.  
3. There's a few people I could count as friends... I left most of them behind though. Near's lackey Halle was a good friend to me.  
4. Thanks.  
5. One was of the Winchester Bombings when L made his name as a detective aged just eight years old, and the other was the battle between L, Danuve and Eraldo Coil.

**From The Lantern**

**No!NoNONONONONONONNONONONONO! when I is are fangirls better than the mafia, I  
meant as in they can kill for one miniscule amount of your air space, so you  
quite literally don't have to pay them unlike the mafia. They'll beleive  
almost anything you say, and are loyal to the end. Oh, I just realized I  
described the fangirl version of Matt...**To The Lantern

So here's my questions:  
1. What do you think about the fact that though Matt has a minimal amount of  
screen time he has plenty (almost more than you and Near) of fangirls?  
2. Do you think that if that bored you'd have turned out like Light or  
something similar?  
3. What's your favorite book?  
4. Favorite movie?  
5. First word?  
6. First friend?  
7. Current sexuality?  
8. Any pets at all?  
9. Current location?  
10. Bad names you've called Near?  
11. Any rivals before Near?  
12. Get Matty to say hi to me! (sparkly eyes)

Oh I see. Well, I bet the mafia is less annoying.

1. Surprised. He's not exactly a heart-throb.  
2. Not really. I wouldn't care about ridding the world of criminals, and I'm not deluded enough to think myself a god... maybe I would have used the Death Note though. I admit that it's a pretty tempting thought, and a powerful tool even if I didn't write down a single name.  
3. Brighton Rock by Graham Greene as stated above. It's an excellent book and I would recommend it to anybody needing something new to read.  
4. I like thriller/horror films such as The Omen. I liked the Clockwork Orange as well.  
5. First word? You mean as a baby? I have no idea; I must have said it before I came to the orphanage.  
6. He was called James, was four years older than me, and lived a street away from Wammy's. He moved away when I was a kid.  
7. Nosy much? Bisexual.  
8. No. I'd like one though. Maybe a dog or something cool like a snake.  
9. On a sofa. That's all you're getting.  
10. Um... I called him a fucking actionfigurephile once.  
11. Apart from L, nobody was ever smarter than me before him.  
12. He looked up and grunted. You should be happy with that.

**From puddingcup**

**lol sorry for my last review... I said "are you supposed..." i meant  
"aren't"  
anyway.  
1. Who do you like to dress up as on Halloween?  
2. if you could catch Kira by giving up chocolate for one day, could you do  
it?  
3. how much chocolate do you consume in a day anyway?  
4. hug please? :D**

To puddingcup

1. I haven't ever dressed up for Halloween. But if I did, it'd be as something nice and freaky, like from The Grudge. Scare the local residents to death.  
2. Yeah, as long as I had a lot of chocolate the day after. It'd be worth it...  
3. Five-ten bars depending on mood and activity. If I'm just sitting around, I might eat more.  
4. Fine...

**From Dark McCloudy**

**Yay! PLS ANSWER! Mello is my favorite character in Death Note other than...  
(Please don't kill me for saying this!) Near. Please answer the questions  
despite the fact that you probably want to kill me right now.  
Questions:  
1)What would be your reaction if some random stranger came up and mistook you  
for a girl? (cause of your hair and all...)  
2)Are you religious? (cause you wear a cross...)  
3)You said that Mello x Near was impossible, how about some of those Mello x  
Matt fan fics?  
4) Do you mind Matt playing video games when you're talking?  
5)Honestly, did you start wearing black just to be the opposite of Near?**

To Dark McCloudy

... I'll pretend you didn't say something insane about liking Near...  
1. It involves a gun and them either running away very fast or me shooting their head off. Not that anybody has ever dared.  
2. Not really. Please see my answer to Hoiki's question  
3. ... slightly less impossible  
4. Yeah, but he tends to pay attention when I yell for him to listen since I shot up his PS2. Heh heh heh...  
5. No, I like the colour black and when I was a kid it didn't show the dirt and made me look a little threatening so helped me scare away some of the more annoying brats. But it is kind of cool now you mention it.


	4. Chapter 4

**From Kit-Kat Punk-Lover**

**Hello again! By the way Near started an Ask Near thingy ;)! Anyway a hug for  
choclate! do I get a kiss if I give you a truckload? Onto the questions!  
1. Do you relize how cute you and Matt are as a couple!? I have pictures to  
prove it!  
2. If you had to be locked in a room with a bed ;) who would you pick: B.B.  
or Near?!  
3. You look sexy in leather! Ya kick ! Do you wear it because it's  
comfortable?!  
I LOVE YOU! give Matt hugs for me!**

To Kit-Kat Punk-Lover

I noticed. I beat him to it, though. And... yeah, sounds fair.  
1. I hadn't realised. And anything can look cute if you draw it to. A good artist could make any couple work.  
2. If there was a no killing rule, B. If killing was allowed, Near.  
3. Thank you. And yeah, that's one of the reasons.  
... great. If I have to.

**From kisa sohma cookie**

**Hey Mello, Kisa here. I had a couple of questions i hoped you could answer  
before you get back to kira business or whatever the hell your doing.  
1.Where you at any point interested in Sayu Yagami? (don't kill me yoai  
fangirls!!)  
2.Has anyone ever mistaken you for a girl, i mean in your universe not mine  
(honestly i thought you were a girl when i first saw you heheh...don't kill me  
please i just got rid of the fnagirls...)  
3.Do you consider Matt your best friend?  
4.Why does Matt have green hair?  
5.Other than the fact that near was there, did you enjoy your time at Wammy's  
house?  
Okay thats all..wait one last thing (Messes up your hair) HAHA bed head!**

To kisa sohma cookie

Hello. I like Fruits Basket too.  
1. No, I have to say that the thought never crossed my mind. She's a pretty girl, but my only interest in her was as a bargaining chip.  
2. Two people who will never make that mistake again.  
3. Yes, he probably is my best friend.  
4. He dyed it so as to be incognito.  
5. It wasn't the best years of my life and I was pretty glad to be able to just live by my own rules.  
Yeah, don't do that again.

**From Melpomine**

**The Questions:  
1) When you left Wammy's House, was joinging the Mafia actually your plan of  
action? If not, what other ideas were you tossing around?  
2) Does it bother you at all that you kill people for a living? No offense  
intended, or anything.  
3) Other than L, are there any other people you look up to? (Friends,  
historical figures, artists, authors, ect.)  
4) What is the WORST assignment you have ever been saddled with? (School OR  
work.)  
5) Have you ever robbed a store before? If so, why?  
6) Have you ever wished you could be normal for a while, and not have to deal  
with the stress of being a Mafia member or a genius?  
7) If you hadn't died, what would your plans for the rest of your life have  
been?  
8) Any tips on how to survive Junior year in high school?? (Seriously, I  
could use them. I've got plenty of friends watching my back, but still...)  
9) Lastly, any advice on the best way to cut off a caffine addiction without  
going through withdrawl or failing any tests? (This, too, would be -most-  
helpful...)  
Thanks! Sorry you died, and everything. Your role in the anime always amused  
me...**

To Melpomine

1. It wasn't my immediate thought, I can say that. I wanted to catch Kira, but I knew that wouldn't be an easy task for a fourteen year old runaway, so I figured that I'd need help. I started off integrating myself into smaller gangs before I went across to America to join the mob.  
2. It does a little, but probably not as much as it should.  
3. The poet Byrons, Auden and the artist Goya.  
4. When I was partnered with Near and we had to write essays on each other. I swear, the teacher did it just to spite me.  
5. Yeah I have. As an initiation into a gang.  
6. The thought has entered my head, but I'd have to be a completely different person for that to happen.  
7. Beat Kira and Near, take all Death Notes in possession, then live the rest of my life in comfort and with power and security.  
8. Don't let the bastards get you down. Eminate confidence and grace.  
9. Replace the caffeine with something else gradually that you won't get addicted to.  
I'm not sure if that's a good thing, but thanks.

**From Ai-vox**

**Hey Mello,  
Do you have a relationship with Matt?  
8D Please tell the truth ... BECAUSE I KNOW YOU DO!  
...ahem... sorry.  
Ai-chan  
**

To Ai-vox

I really don't know what you mean. Where is your evidence, Ai-chan?

**From Sailor Cherry Cream**

**I've Always Wanted To Ask Mello A few Questions...lol -  
1. Why blonde, short hair?  
2. Tight pants?  
3. Would you really go out with Matt, like in this fictions?  
4. If not Matt, Who would you prefer?  
5. Why do you like chocolate?**

To Sailor Cherry Cream

1. Blonde is my natural hair colour, and I prefer it this length because it's short enough to stay out of my eyes but I like it a bit long. It's different, and I'd rather be different.  
2. You probably won't believe this, but tight pants are very comfortable. Plus they make me look intimidating.  
3. Hmmm... I don't know about that. If you're referring to those awful out of character fics, then definitely not.  
4. I hadn't really thought. Halle maybe, but only if I had to choose somebody.  
5. Chocolate is the most sensually delicious food on the planet.


	5. Chapter 5

**From Emerald Skies**

**Yay, it's Mello!**

**Uhm, I really think you should have won instead of Near. :D**

**Anyway, here's my questions.**

**1) What do you think of Misa's dressing style? No doubt you've seen it.  
2) Has Matt ever attempted to get you to crossdress?  
3) Was Matt angry when you shot up his PS2?  
4)Do you have a favourite band?**

To Emerald Skies

As do I, and I'm glad you agree.

1. Her Gothic Lolita? It's okay, but it doesn't work on her. I mean, she could pull off the Sweet Lolita look no problem, but she's too girly for the Gothic. The whole Lolita thing doesn't really do much for me in general.  
2. Uh... I can't say as he has. I might have got him to do once or twice... he didn't really complain much either!  
3. Yeah, very. He would probably have chucked it at my head if I wasn't still holding a gun.  
4. Not really. I like the bands I stated before: Korn, Die Toten Hosen etc. Matt's trying to get me into his crap music. I'm getting to like Three Days Grace actually...

**From flamablechoklit**

**First of all I would like to state that near has nothing on you. The only  
reason he's in the position he is, is because he has other people do the dirty  
work for him. You are a credit to humanity, Mello. And the reason near's name  
doesn't get capitolised is because he is undeserving. I feel bad enough for  
mentioning you both in the same paragraph...**

**1. When you ran away from Wammys, did you have any kind of plan? Or was it  
just spontainious?  
2. I've read a lot of fics where you like to play Russian Ruelette. If I'm  
not mistaken, that requires a revovler. And I'am assuming you own more than  
one gun. If so, what kinds?  
3. This is crude, but do you wear underwear? Because I've read that you dont,  
and my perverted side wants an answer.  
4. This isn't a question, but I feel the need to tell Matt he pwns all  
existance.**

To flamablechoklit

I like you already.

1. I didn't really have a plan at all at first. I had entertained the idea of running away before, but I didn't have a sensible plan of action.  
2. I do actually own a revolver. More than one revolver. My weapon of choice is my custom handgun; it's easy to carry around and it works best for me. I've used bigger guns before now, which are fun. Using an AK47 was good, but I'd never be able to lug one of them around without getting arrested! I have a few semi-automatic pistols, my favourite of which is a Beretta Elite.  
3. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It depends on the weather; my trousers make it a little difficult to go without boxers sometimes.  
4. Okay then.

**From Penguini**

**Hello, Mello. I have some questions...**

**1. What were your biological parents like?  
2. Why is Roger such a douche? Do you think it's because he probably hasn't  
gotten a sexing in awhile?  
3. What's your ethnic background? I'm just curious.  
4. Obama or McCain? Or would you rather just stay out of politics?  
5. What will you do once you get diabetes from eating so much chocolate?  
6. Don't you ever get sweaty? I always end up getting sweaty and feeling  
uncomfortably sticky when I wear leather.**

**I'd ask for a hug, but I suspect that you're feeling a bit irritated, and  
maybe even slightly violated because of the rabid fangirls. You accept a hug,  
and next thing you know, you've been raped. And you're just not sure how it  
happened so fast...oh, I'm ranting. Anyway, thank you, for sacraficing your  
innocence to satiate your fan's curiosity. Although, I'd imagine that you're  
not that innocent.**

To Penguini

1. My father was a banker, my mother worked in a shop. They had an abusive relatioship and are now both dead.  
2. Ahahaha! I think he was just born that way.  
3. A mix. Half English, quarter German and a quarter French.  
4. Obama because I can't stand the idea of another Republican in power.  
5. 'When' I get diabetes? I think that's a very small probability. And I will continue to eat chocolate of course. Carpe Diem.  
6. Yeah, I do. But it's worth it.

Umm... right.

**From Kit-Kat Punk-Lover**

**Aloha! :D I love you! Here is five pounds of chocolate!  
Now here are my questions!  
1. If you were stuck in a room with Kira what would you do?  
2 Who would you rather kiss Near or Beyond? :D  
3 Can I have a hug and a kiss on the cheek?! :D  
4 How many times in your lifetime have you've been mistaken for a girl?  
5. Tell Matt he rocks!  
Bye now!**

To Kit-Kat Punk-Lover

Uh... okay, thanks for the chocolate.  
1. Shoot. Him.  
2. Beyond. He may be a maniac, but Near is Near.  
3. You can have a hug OR a kiss on the cheek. Choose.  
4. Twice, and neither of those people will make that mistake again.  
5. Will do.

**From EllarieKeehl**

**Hey Mello! You're my favorite character in Death note! I love you! but i'm  
not one of those crazy, glomping fangirls...anyway, here are my questions:**

1) If by chance a girl with brown hair and blue eyes ran up and kissed you,  
would you shoot her, or get angry at all?

2) If someone came out with this new chocolate that is supposed to be 100x  
better than regular Milk Chocolate, would you give anything/do anything to get  
it?

3) if I was to tell you I made that 100x better than milk  
chocolate...chocolate, would you kiss me?

sorry for that last one, it was just a question anime sweat drop

To EllarieKeehl

1. I'd be very angry. This girl wouldn't happen to be you, would it?  
2. Not anything, but I would like to try it very much.  
3. Not of my own accord. If I was forced to do so in exchange for the chocolate then maybe.

And you said you weren't a crazy fangirl...?


End file.
